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How do I prevent an affair?
Women24
#1 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 10:27:06 AM(UTC)
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A Women24's reader needs advice - before it's too late. Here's her story:

I'm friends with a married couple. The husband and I are attracted to each other and kissed the other night - it hasn't gone further than that. He wants something more to happen and to be honest, I am really attracted to him, but don't want to have an affair. I see them everyday and am finding it hard to avoid being alone with him. I'm scared that I'm going to lose control and sleep with him. I haven't been intimate with anyone in a very long time. What do I do? We live near each other.
Livinglarge
#2 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 10:48:15 AM(UTC)
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He is not yours to have. Stop and think for one second what you are getting into. This is a marriage and there is another woman who will be getting very hurt. It's not about YOU, it's about respecting someone else's marriage. You have no idea what pain you have already caused by just kissing him.
PrincessAnie
#3 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 11:31:10 AM(UTC)
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It's easy not to have an affair: have some will power and just don't. It's like beating up someone who mad you really angry, you don't because it is wrong. Ask the guy to tell his wife about the kiss, making it clear it will go no further, or if he doesn't you should. I have a very tactile relationship with all my friends, we often kiss and cuddle, but with consent of everyone, partners and spouses.

Another idea is looking into Polyamory (www.polyamory.co.za). It is having more than one loving relationship at a time, with full knowledge and consent of all involved.
Merven
#4 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 11:41:13 AM(UTC)
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Steal him from her (just remember, as easily as he cheated on her, so easily he'll cheat on you). Clearly there are already big problems in his marriage and is a divorce that's bout to happen. Anyway, the tone of your letter tells me you've already made a choice, you're just looking for permission to ease the guilt.
Celeste
#5 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 11:53:53 AM(UTC)
CELESTEG

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Really, sweetpea, just say NO!
Azurra™
#6 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 11:54:02 AM(UTC)
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What the hell is wrong with you? You have no moral compass. You can also not call yourself a friend. My dear you are what the rest of us will call easy. And her husband, a bloody cheat!! If you were a decent person, your question would not be “ooh how do I not lose control and sleep with him” it would have been, “what do I do now?” “ do I tell his wife that he kissed me?” No wonder you have not had anyone in such a long time. Who would want to be with someone that had no scruples?
WendyM
#7 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 3:16:44 PM(UTC)
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You seriously have to stop what you're doing it is not fair! you are a woman so you should put yourself in the wife's shoes and think how you'd feel if someone does the same to you. You might not even be attracted to this guy but have reason to think you are beacuese it's been a while since you've been intimate with anyone. Please do yourself a favour and stay away from that married man and find someone else who tickles your fancy and who can satisfy your uncontrolable desires.

I dont mean to judge you but it happened and no matter how hard you want to go deeper, just control your feelings and keep away from the couple if you know what's good for you. we need to remove the idea from our minds that just because a married man wants to jump into your pants it means the relationship with his wife is not good, men are just like that! he can get it good from his wife the previous night and want to have his secretary the next morning so dont flatter yourself lady!
Maddmoiselle
#8 Posted : Monday, April 16, 2012 5:31:47 PM(UTC)
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Honeybunch, do not for one second think what you are doing is good for you. YOU WILL GET HURT. It does sound as if you have made up your mind, but it will get you nowhere. And please don't call yourself the other lady's friend: you clearly are not.
hrhbeatrix
#9 Posted : Tuesday, April 17, 2012 10:40:07 AM(UTC)
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The only way to avoid an affair (where this is most certainly headed) is to avoid all contact with him. There is no other way. The more time you spend in his company the more difficult it will get to control yourself. Do yourself and their marriage a favour and break off the friendship. Better to lose the freindship now than later with a lot of hurt in tow.
Nicole
#10 Posted : Monday, May 07, 2012 4:03:22 PM(UTC)
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number one what the hell are you doing kissing your friends husband in the first place!!!! it should never have gotten to that stage!!!! you should have respect for her and push him away and if you cant control your self then i suggest you stop seeing them for a while! imagine if it was you on the other side and one of your friends was kissing your husband or sleeping with your husband how would you feel!!!!!! you need to back off and fast!!! unless you happy with being responsable for breaking up a home and breaking someones heart!!! if thats the case then you have no respect for your self and noone can respect you! sorry if its harsh but its the truth good women dont do what you doing!!!!
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