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Should I invite my stepmother to the wedding?
Tammy
#1 Posted : Friday, March 09, 2012 1:52:25 PM(UTC)
Tammy_February

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A reader's father is threatening to boycott her wedding unless she invites his new wife to her nuptials. What should she do?

Deciding who to invite and who not to is something that is always very tricky to do. Things aren't just as clear cut as inviting who you want to the wedding just because it's your special day.

When there's family involved (especially if you're close to them), things have a habit of becoming ugly very quickly.

One of our readers is currently facing this dilemma.

Here's the gist of her story:
- She's narrowed down the guest list to 120 people (Sounds like a reasonable amount to us)
- Of those 120 people, the list of guests will consist of close family members and friends.

The problem?
She doesn't want to invite her father's new wife to the wedding because it will result in upsetting her mother.

Her father, not impressed by the turn of the events, is threatening to boycott the wedding if she doesn't invite his new wife.

She'd love to have both of her parents at her wedding, but is not sure how to handle this situation.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? What advice would you give her?
Ruth
#2 Posted : Monday, March 12, 2012 12:58:13 PM(UTC)
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As we don't know all the details, i.e. is the step-mum the cause of the daughters parents divorce, it's hard to make a call on this one. But even if the step-mum was the problem I still think she should be invited.

Mum needs to accept it is the daughters day and if she wants both her parents there, then Mum should accept that. as adults they should try to be civil on the day, nobody is asking them to kiss and make-up after all.

and yes I am a step-mum and I am a step-child. It is not a pleasant place to be when family occassions come around
100001150698006
#3 Posted : Monday, March 12, 2012 2:56:00 PM(UTC)
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Invite Step mother. Avoid the traditional Bride's table. Opt for table for bride and groom and seat others apart. I am mother of non Grandmother of 7 and great grandmother of 3. that step mother The more grand parent the better.
Elk
#4 Posted : Wednesday, March 14, 2012 8:23:47 AM(UTC)
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My husband to be parents are divorced. His mother and step-mother hate one another and is very loyal to his mom. So we are having a "sweetheart's table" that only the bride and groom will sit at. His mother will sit with her family and his father will sit with his family. My own family is unimpressed because they want a main table but they accept the situation
CarinaM
#5 Posted : Wednesday, March 14, 2012 12:04:52 PM(UTC)
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She should invite the step-mom. The mother is very immature and hasn't moved on. How can a mother be so selfish to put her child in a situation like this where she has to choose between the mother and the father???? I am the ex wife and mother. Step-mom and I have planned the children's birthdays together and she most certainly will be seated at the bride's table at my children's weddings and so will Little Brother (born from my ex's second marriage). MOVE ON PEOPLE. Life's too short to stress about rubbish like this. whether step-mom is the cause of the breakup of the marriage is immaterial. It's about the kids now.
MissAfrica
#6 Posted : Sunday, March 18, 2012 6:58:54 PM(UTC)
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I think the father is also being inconsiderate. He is blackmailing the bride into inviting the step-mom. I really don't think the mother is threatening not to attend if the step-mother is present. She would just not be comfortable and the bride is sensitive to that. I would say if the father cannot love her enough to respect her wishes then maybe she should make peace with the fact that her father will not walk her down the isle. I feel the father is being childish in this instance and not the mother.

Good luck.
tiger
#7 Posted : Wednesday, March 28, 2012 1:54:37 PM(UTC)
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Why should she invite the step-mom. She is not related to her and she is not one of her friends. So if her dad cares enough for her, he sill still attend without his wife.
Hetty
#8 Posted : Wednesday, March 28, 2012 2:03:04 PM(UTC)
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Yes the stepmother should be there, her mother should help to make her daughter's
day a day of lovely memories.
Adele
#9 Posted : Wednesday, March 28, 2012 2:14:46 PM(UTC)
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My folks are also divorced and my father did not come to my wedding, of his own choosing because of a 'money issue'. So, my mother gave me away and although things are fine with my father 18 years down the line, I know he regrets not coming and I'm sad that my wedding photos do not include the man who was my world growing up.

A wedding is about the couple first and foremost and everyone who has been invited, is there to share in the celebration. It is their day and everyone who has issues with everyone else should put those aside for a few hours.

I am also a wedding photographer and the photos can have bridal couple with real parents in, one with step parents and they don't all have to be together. I agree with the idea of the bridal table being for couple and their bridesmaids and grooms men. It relieves any unnecessary stress.

For the sake of a few hours, forget issues. Invite the family, even though they may not be the flavour at the moment or forever tarnish a relationship or regret those photos that can never be recaptured.

Weddings and births bring people together in ways we can't expect, who knows, maybe the step mother will be amazing and become friends with the brides' mother. Stranger things have happened!

Adele
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